Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
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