I heard we made out
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
