just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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