i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize
