Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
