i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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