He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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