Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
whose parrot is this?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize