ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
