Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
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