It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
