I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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