A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize