So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize