She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
