Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
