Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Randomize
