She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i love accidental penises.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
