he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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