DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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