Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
