What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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