This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
