I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
