Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
