so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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