Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
