why didn't you poke me back
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
My pussy is not your playground.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Randomize
