I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
