some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
