She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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