A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
