I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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