i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
