if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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