Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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