Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
