if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
