So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
