I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
