The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
