Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
