dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Gay?
German.
Pity.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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