I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
