38 yer olds are good kisserssss
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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