We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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