We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Randomize
