I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize