party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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