Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
