really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize