Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
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