Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
