your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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