My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
