will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
