weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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