"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
