Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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