she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
