he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
