Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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