So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
