I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
