Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
