I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
