pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize