why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
