May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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