The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
