What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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