Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
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