drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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