We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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