a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
