Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
