just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
We are two peas in an std pod
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
