I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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