is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize