I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
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