So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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