I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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