a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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