No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
