Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
