He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
