You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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