I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Randomize
