dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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