Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize