Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
