Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
