Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
bring money and cleavage
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize