I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
