I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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