My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize