he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
