On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
you traded sex for a burrito?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
