he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
