rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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