Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
it glows. i had to have it.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize