just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
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