i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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