sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize