You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
