So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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