I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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