Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
where are my eyebrows?
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